"Don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself a break." Welcome to our cultural mantra. The gravitational pull of the world can be devastating, so Paul says in 2 Corinthians 13: 5: "Examine yourselves." Just what does that look like, and how do we do it?
Self-examination
November 12, 2008
"Man is so prone to sinful ways, that without maintaining a constant strict watch over himself, no other can be expected thatn, that he will walk in some way of sin." Jonathan Edwards
Henry Martyn left us a wonderful journal that gives us a glimpse of his devotion to Christ, and the language of a contrite heart. It is a window into humility before God, and what a heart of contrition "looks like."
April 24, 1807 - Dinapore, India.
"Still cast down at my.....execrable pride and ease of heart. O that I could weep in the dust, with shame and sorrow, for my wickedness and folly! "
"Yet, thanks are due to the Lord for showing me, in this way, how much my heart has been neglected of late. I see by this, how great are the temptations of a missionary to neglect his own soul."
"Apparently outwardly employed for God, my heart has been growing more hard and proud. Let me be taught that the first great business on earth is to obtain the sanctification of my own soul; so shall I be rendered more capable also of performing the duties of the ministry, whether amongst the European or heathen, in a holy and solemn manner."
"Oh, how I detest that levity to which I am so subject! How cruel and unfeeling is it! God is my witness that I would rather, from this day forward, weep day and night, for the danger of immortal souls."
"But my wickedness seems to take such hold of me, that I cannot escape; and my only refuge is to commit my soul, with all its corruption, into the hands of Christ, to be sanctified and saved by His Almighty grace. For what can I do with myself? My heart is so thoroughly corrupt, that I cannot keep myself one moment from sin."
John Newton wrote a hymn that seems to give some explanation to the process that God was taking Henry Martyn through, and would work in us if we are willing.
I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.
’Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.
I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.
Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.
Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.
Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
“’Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.
These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.”